hmm.. in the last 2 days I have met at least 4 people who have said "I used to call myself anarchist, but not anymore because of how anarchist are..." and list others reason, most people other anarchists as the main reason. Hmm.. food for thought.
And it was GREAT to meet another dark skinned person who laughed out loud at the ideal of white guilt and said who ever said this must obviously have money because poor PEOPLE tend to stick together and anyone who see white guilt as some sort of barrier is probably a few cards short of a full deck. I agree fully. I never felt any sort of anger towards white people until I hung around anarchists. I don't feel angry now, but I fell into the trap of hating someone based on the color of their skin.
People who say white people are all privilege have obviously never lived in a trailer park.

Lucky I have now cast aside most, if not all labels and just live.

Pics coming soon.

Hmm. My last entry was six months ago.

I'm glad I never deleted this. I like going back and reading my entries. I like seeing my thoughts and feelings at the time of their occurrence. It's great to see moments where I was weak, strong, angry, happy.

A lot has happen in six months. Maybe one could say, maybe one would say not much as changed.

My head used to be so full of well, stuff. I wanted to get away from the stuff, find myself, liberate myself from the dogma I had put myself into.

Did it work?

*smiles*

They say the search for freedom is everlasting... but I don't mind the journey.

I suppose there is no point to keeping this livejournal, or any livejournal at all. I suppose I've come to that point where it no longer matters, well as much as it once did.
I don't feel as if I'm doing anything by keeping this site alive. Probably not.

I haven't really spoken with people lately and I know it's because I've gone past the point of even beginning to understand why things are the way they are. I watch people and go "Why?" I listen to people talk and go "What?"

I realize that I'm in a world of my own. I don't think I can say that I subscribe to anything anymore. I seem to confuse myself the more that I try to. If I find a truth in myself, I'm automatically branded by others as something bad, simply because what once worked for me, no longer does. Is that something bad now? Stepping away from something, really looking over it, and deciding that "Hey, this doesn't seem to be working for me now" and casting it out? I suppose so, in this world.

I seem to be doing better, though. I'm no longer concerned with trying to stay within the boundaries set by others. If I want to be silly and childish, there is no one who can say "No, you can't do that". If I discover something that works for me, there is no one who can say "No, you can't do that". I suppose I am at that point in my life now where I'm finally free to live.

Probably by new year...

If one more person tells me that I’m "disrespecting" my race, please understand that I will NOT be held responsible for my actions.

When you see us walking down the street, don’t give me your hateful stares. Black America, (the ones who think we’re still living in the 1930s), those hateful glances look EXACTLY like the same stares I received from that nazi skinhead, white power type. I hate to tell you, but when you do that, I look back at you the same way. You are no better when you decide you tell me how much I am disrespecting myself. In fact, why don’t both of you just go hold hands and skip down the street? If you think your hate is somewhat justified, it’s time for you to get a new perspective on things. Do you think calling him names for being with him makes you better than the nazi who call me nigger? Do you think because your dark skin may have made your the target of hurt and pain that no one will care if you cause hurt and pain? Do you think that he has never went through anything? You think just because he’s white, that he can just stroll through life with no disappointments, no pain, no sorrow?
Why do you feel that it’s fine to come up to me and tell me that I am not "allowed" to be with him? that I HAVE to only date black men? That if I don’t, then I am disrespecting myself and my heritage?
Is that so?
Then why do you? What gives you any right to attack me for who I fell in love with? Who here on Earth made it okay for you to hate me? Don’t like my relationship? I don’t believe I asked for your opinion. yes I have been the victim of racial slander. Yes I understand that Black people have been oppressed and still being are. But so have a lot of other races, including Caucasian (which in itself can be a lot of things). How many times have you muttered about Mexicans or Native Americans or even Italians as trash? Do we forget?
Apparently so. Remember we ALL went through moments of being the "bottom" scum of the Earth. Now we complain about the "Immigrants" ruining this nice clean American dream. Do you remember when it was us?
For those who say there is no such thing as "reverse racism" has obviously never been the victim of pure unadulterated hate from your own race. It hurts more because you think people who look like you wouldn’t stoop that low.
Oh it just doesn’t stop there. To those who absolutely hate that my dreads look too wild, and because I refused to make them look nice... I’m just gonna laugh at you. To me, dreads aren’t uniformed, aren’t made to please someone else. You laugh at me because I won’t go to a salon to have them done? I laugh at you for trying to use that against me.
You hate me for not listening to the right music. Yeah, whatever.

There is nothing YOU can do to make me sorry for who I fell in love with. There is nothing YOU can do to make me feel bad for being born in this skin.

So go write your blogs about how white women want to be just like you or how black women are too ill bred to be considered classy. I’m going to go back to my husband and tell him I love him.

yeahkaybye

"Basically what we have here is a dreamer. Someone out of touch with reality. When she jumped, she'd probably thought she fly"

here's a link to a bigger picture

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v119/Ebonyoutcast/bethechange.jpg

I probably won't be back online until the beginning of 2008. Just thought you like to know.

Loves

25 years.

That's how long I've been here, on this Earth, breathing it's air, seeing it's sights.

Today makes that 25th year.

Now what?

I know so many who didn't make it this far.
So many who lives were ended, by themselves, by others.
i should be so lucky.

What do I do now?

I Live.

I live for myself, I live for the next generation that will inherit this Earth, our mistakes, our parents mistakes, and so on.

What I don't want to do is become like those of this generation. The ones who talk, the ones who hate, the ones who have done more harm then they are willing to admit.

I'm still a child, and probably will always be. A child is always thinking, wondering, growing, loving, changing, seeing, admiring.

25 years. 25 long, hard, pain filled, heart wrenching years.

And I will never regret a single day.

I've just made my journal friends only.

If you give up the fight because it's too hard, then think about that the next time you ask for help.

Wow. It's been a bit since I updated this one. Hm Let's see. The time is coming for summer. That means, more yard sales (more people throwing away the stuff they can't sell) college is ending (more people throwing away things) more time to be outside all night long without freezing. Yes, more fun!

So, anyways let's get outside and play, people. Life isn't just gonna spend itself, you know.